Playing Another Side
by ckret2
Summary: All Shizune wants to know is who Kabuto really works for. When he visits her after the death of Orochimaru, it seems that now, he may not quite know, either. [Spoilers for recent chapters. ShizuneKabuto. Oneshot.]


A/N: I figured after the most recent chapter, this was a good time to post this, hah! Just a note; this was written a couple of weeks ago, certainly before chapter 356 came out. Hopefully it doesn't contradict canon too much and will continue to stand up, yeah? Anyway, this is a ShizuneKabuto fic, done as a request for the Naruto Flashfic comm on Livejournal.

Reviews greatly appreciated, and I hope you enjoy! Thank ye muchly!

Disclaimer: Do not own Shizune, Kabuto, or the Naruto universe; I do own the fic. All else is Kishimoto's property.

--Playing Another Side--

"So, he's finally dead?" It was the first thing she'd said to him in nearly a year.

Kabuto glared at Shizune. She couldn't tell if he was offended or just acting like it. "Finally? Shizune, whose side are you on?"

"Konoha's side," she said firmly. "And Tsunade-sama's side." Whose side are you on, she wanted to retort. Whose side, indeed.

Kabuto's expression didn't change, but he didn't press the subject. "Yes," he said, his voice hard. "He's dead."

Shizune nodded, resisting both the urge to cheer and to console Kabuto. She wasn't sure how he'd react no matter what she did. Sometimes she thought that he decided how to react simply based on how unpredictable the action would be. He'd be a terrifying rival in a strategy game.

Still, Shizune was relieved to know for sure that Orochimaru was dead. As reliable as Jiraiya claimed his informants were, they had let to several humiliating cases of misinformation over the years.

"So, what happened to Sasuke-kun?" Shizune asked, simply to get the conversation started again.

Kabuto tilted his head, smirking. "That's the first thing you want to know, Shizune? What happened to the Uchiha brat?"

Shizune didn't ask again. Kabuto didn't answer.

Outside, it was pouring rain, almost freezing, and two in the morning. Shizune wondered how Kabuto had found her; she had been walking home after escorting a drunk Tsunade out of a bar when Kabuto appeared beside her. A single streetlight had been out, and somehow in the time between leaving one light and stepping under the next, he had simply materialized at her side. It wasn't worth asking how he had done it because she knew he wouldn't answer. It was part of the strategy of his game, sneaking up behind you with a piece that you could have sworn he didn't have.

Everything Kabuto did was part of his game; she had figured that out long ago. She had stopped minding long ago. What she wanted to know the most was why he played it.

They hadn't spoken until they'd arrived at Shizune's house. She had tried to turn on the lights, but they didn't work. Evidently, Kabuto had snuck in here already, but Shizune had found that she didn't really care.

A lightning flash illuminated the living room, and Kabuto reflexively turned away, as if it were a searchlight looking for him. Shizune noticed as the light glimmered off his glasses that he hadn't bothered to wipe off the rain. She sighed, said, "Let me see that," and grabbed the glasses to dry them on her sleeve. With all the things she had to do for Tsunade and Kabuto, she might as well just get married and have two kids of her own.

Kabuto might have said thanks, but the rumble of thunder obscured his words. When it was quiet again, he said, "You know, Shizune, you're the only one who can get that close to my face without getting your wrist broken."

"Hm. And Orochimaru, right?" Shizune said, handing Kabuto's glasses back with a wry smile that he probably couldn't see.

Kabuto put his glasses on and pushed them up his nose with one finger. They caught the glow of a streetlight outside, glowing an eerie orange and hiding his eyes. "Not anymore. If someone claiming to be Orochimaru-sama came up to me, I would assume he was an imposter and kill him."

"And what if it really was Orochimaru?" Shizune asked.

"Then I'd be no worse off than I am now."

A rather casual attitude to take in regards to one's leader, Shizune thought. Especially if Kabuto had been as close to Orochimaru as Shizune was to Tsunade.

She had mixed emotions about the way Kabuto spoke of Orochimaru. On the one hand, she was glad that he was, apparently, not as loyal to him as he liked to pretend. On the other, she wondered how loyal that meant he was to her.

"Do you need a place to stay?" Shizune asked. It wasn't often that Kabuto visited, and she doubted that he'd come by at a time when Otogakure must be in turmoil, unless he had a good reason.

Kabuto shook his head, then pushed his glasses up again. "No. I just wanted to see you. It's been a while."

"I guess," Shizune said neutrally. Kabuto was lying, Kabuto was always lying. When he said he just wanted to visit, it meant that he wanted something else but didn't want to say. When he truly did just want to visit, he'd make up a reason to come. It was part of his game; send all his little pieces to the right to distract the enemy so he can attack with the big one from the left. "Do you want something to eat?" she asked.

She stood and started walking to the kitchen, not waiting for an answer and hoping Kabuto would take the hint. Maybe she could convince Kabuto to restore power if it was necessary. She suddenly realized that if the power was out, then everything in the refrigerator had gone bad. That was two months' pay down the drain.

"I'm just a little hungry," Kabuto said. "Do you have any cup ramen?"

Well, duh. "I can't heat it if the power's out," Shizune said, feeling her way to the cabinet with the ramen.

She heard Kabuto chuckle. "The power's fine. All your light bulbs have been removed."

Shizune felt a rush of gratitude, thinking of all the food that was quite happily chilled in the fridge. The gratitude disappeared when she realized that that was exactly how Kabuto wanted her to react. She swung open the refrigerator door experimentally, and was glad to feel a rush of cold air. "You even took out the fridge light bulb?"

"So it seems," Kabuto said. Shizune had to admit, he was thorough. "You keep cup ramen in your fridge, Shizune?"

"Do you want anything to drink?" she asked, both to change the topic and as an explanation.

"No, thank you," Kabuto said. "I had more than enough to drink on the way here."

"What?" He didn't seem like he'd been drinking.

"The rain."

"Ah, of course."

She would never understand his sense of humor. Silently, Shizune felt around in the dark for a container of cup ramen, prepared it, and gave it to Kabuto. Neither of them spoke through the whole process.

It was still dark; even darker in the kitchen, where there weren't any windows. But Shizune could hear, and she could tell how fast Kabuto was eating. Concern rose in her. (Maybe she should have been a mother after all.) Was he that hungry? How long had it been since he'd eaten? Had Kabuto gotten any food since Orochimaru had died?

But of course he had. Was this a part of his game, too?

She was so frustrated with this. Every time she saw Kabuto, he became even more confusing. He could say the same thing twice and it would be a lie the first time and a truth the second. It was as if his existence was tangled over itself, knotting and unknotting and coiling endlessly – perfect for a servant to the Snake Sannin – until it was so tangled that it swallowed itself whole and Kabuto was no longer real. She didn't know what he was.

All she could do was try to concentrate on his game. That was all she could reach. It was too bad she kept making the wrong moves.

When she was tired of hearing Kabuto devouring his meal, she spoke; maybe she'd get the right question, make a right move this time. "Are you going back to Otogakure after this?" she asked.

Kabuto took a moment to swallow his food, and said, "No. Without Orochimaru-sama, there's no reason for me to... stay there."

He said it so matter-of-factly, until his voice cracked. But he recovered, and sat silently, as if nothing had happened.

Shizune wondered what he was up to. Something told her, though – maybe it was her woman's intuition, maybe a latent mother's intuition – that he hadn't done that on purpose. He was more upset than he let on, after all. Kabuto could tell everyone and tell himself that Orochimaru was gone and that was true and that was all there was to it. But just because it was a fact didn't mean that Kabuto's emotions had died with Orochimaru.

Shizune got a brief glimpse at the person behind the game pieces. His twisted reality had shifted just enough to give her a glimpse of the boy curled up inside. And however much he pretended he was on no one's side but his own...

Finally, Shizune thought she had a question that she could predict an answer to. "Then, will you come back to Konohagakure?"

Kabuto's answer, she believed, would be no. Which meant that he would say...

"I might." His silhouette shrugged, as if it didn't matter. "I still have some business to take care of before I can decide where to go next. I'll think about it."

... no.

For once, she had pinned him. She had figured out what he was going to say, how he was going to say it. Maybe now she could start to pick apart his game.

And he knew it, because he stood up, left his food, said, "I should go. I only wanted to see you, Shizune."

That was supposed to throw her off-balance. Even though she knew that, it worked. Kabuto was halfway through the living room and headed towards the door before Shizune managed to follow and grab his arm. "If you wanted to see me, then why didn't you?"

"Pardon?" A brief glint off his glasses as he turned his head.

"Why would you take all the lights out if you want to see me?"

There was a long moment of silence. Finally, Kabuto shook Shizune's hand off his arm and pushed his glasses up, another sparkle of light. "That's not what I meant and you know it. I took the lights out so nobody would be alerted to anything unusual; if someone saw the lights on at an unusual hour, they might be suspicious." That and, undoubtedly, he didn't want this to seem like a friendly visit. He claimed that he didn't want to make their visit to look suspicious, but by taking out the lights, that's exactly what he had done. Every time they met, it was just a little bit dangerous, and quite a bit illegal, and from what Shizune could tell, he didn't want her to forget it.

He wanted her to remember that he was doing her a favor.

"If that's all there is to it, then why did it take you so long to respond?" Shizune challenged, triumphant. She'd knocked one of his pieces down; she'd messed up his game. Time for him to improvise.

Kabuto chose a retreat. "I can't stay," he said shortly, heading towards the door again.

"Then why did you come?" Shizune demanded. "Why bother? You were only here long enough to accomplish absolutely nothing. Why don't you explain yourself, for the first time in your life?"

He didn't answer.

"Why can't you stay with Konoha?"

He didn't answer.

"What do you want?"

He didn't answer and he didn't move.

Sighing, Shizune walked up to him. "Kabuto, what's going on?" she asked wearily. "You never tell me anything. The only person you've ever explained anything to is dead, and I don't think he got the whole story either."

Slowly, Kabuto turned towards her, then went past her and sat heavily in the armchair in the living room. Shizune followed, sitting on the sofa as close to Kabuto's seat as she could get. "What do you want to know?" he asked dully. In the dim light in the living room, Shizune could see his utterly blank face, looking at the floor as he leaned forward, elbows on knees.

Was this really a surrender? Or was Kabuto setting Shizune up for something else by pretending to be backed into a corner? Maybe if she knew what the purpose of this game was, she could guess what he was trying to do.

"Whose side are you really on?" It was the most relevant question she could think of. "And don't say Orochimaru's. You and I both know that's a lie. If you're just on your own side, say so."

Kabuto was silent a moment. "I'm on yours," he said. "I was the one who informed Jiraiya that Orochimaru died."

"Really." Shizune found that doubtful; why hadn't he helped Konoha defeat Orochimaru before, then? "So you've been on Konoha's side the whole time? Through Sasori and Orochimaru and everything?"

"No," he said. "And I may not be on this side much longer. I'll probably follow Sasuke-kun after this." Then, musingly, he added, "I may just stay with him long enough to find out where he's going, and return to Akatsuki to alert Itachi and Kisame." He shrugged, as if it didn't matter.

"So you're on your own side," Shizune snapped.

Kabuto was silent for a moment. "No."

How was that possible? How could he be change sides so many time, lose his allegiance so many times, without something to hold on to?

A flash of lightning, and for once, instead of shining off Kabuto's glasses and blinding Shizune, it went through the clear glass. For once, she saw the pain in his eyes, the empty blackness where his thoughts should have been, before he winced and turned away from the light.

And she knew. Kabuto was as much caught up in his own contorted portrayal of himself as anyone else was. He had no allegiances – to Sasori, to Orochimaru, to Jiraiya, even to himself. When he was playing his game, sending pieces back and forth and smirking like he knew exactly what the next move was going to be, he was just dancing around the board and hoping he did it artfully enough that no one would realize he had no idea what he was doing. Underneath all the lies and half-truths and masks and attacks and retreats, Kabuto didn't know who he was.

She couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before.

Thunder rolled over the roof, making the air tremble. When it was gone, Kabuto glanced up without lifting his head. "Any more questions?" He said it so coolly. He still thought he hadn't given anything away.

Shizune shook her head. "Just a choice."

Now Kabuto sat up. "What kind?"

"Either you stay in Konohagakure tonight in my home," Shizune said, "or I alert ANBU to your presence and you stay in Konohagakure tonight in a prison cell. I doubt Tsunade-sama will believe you if you claim to be Jiraiya's informant, and I'm not going to defend you."

Kabuto stared at her, dumbstruck.

"There's nowhere you have to be by morning," she said firmly. She knew this for a fact now.

He didn't exactly respond, but he stood up, nodded. "Are you tired?"

She suddenly realized she was. Between hauling a drunk Tsunade around and dealing with Kabuto, she was exhausted. "You have no idea."

"All right." He stood still, waiting for Shizune to make a move, until she started down the hall to her room and he followed.

Shizune could remember the first time they'd gone this way together. Five years ago – Kabuto had only been seventeen, Shizune had been twenty-five and home in Konohagakure only for a brief time away from Tsunade. He'd eagerly led the way, asking which door was Shizune's bedroom, and had been sorely disappointed to realize that she just wanted to sleep after a long day. That was before she'd known about the games he played.

It was nothing like now. Now, Kabuto followed like a servant, like a shadow, and was the first to curl up on his own half of the bed.

As she had many times before, Shizune wondered if Kabuto had approached her under Orochimaru's orders, to try to learn more about Tsunade. That was one of the reasons she had wondered why Kabuto had come tonight, even after Orochimaru's death. She had been scared that if he wasn't receiving any orders, he'd have no reason to come to her.

She reminded herself that he wasn't loyal to anyone, and his behavior almost made sense.

Shizune got into bed. Kabuto was careful not to touch her so she was careful not to touch him. It was awkward, but at least she knew he was there. She drifted in and out of sleep for the next couple of hours, before waking up and realizing she was cold. Kabuto had left.

She sat up, a flash of irrational fear coursing through her. And then she saw Kabuto's silhouette in the window and the fear vanished, leaving her heart throbbing so fast she could feel it.

He turned. "Did I wake you?"

Slowly, Shizune shook her head. "I was already awake. Kinda."

Kabuto chuckled half-heartedly, and turned to look out the window again. After a moment, he said, "You know, Shizune. The way you spoke, when you asked me to say."

Shizune didn't say anything, so Kabuto went on. "That's how Orochimaru kept me in Otogakure. He just... told me to stay. So I did."

She realized what this was. For a moment, Kabuto had given her a glimpse at who he really was. From the way he said it, he didn't understand what he had just told her, but knew it was true.

Shizune understood. If Kabuto didn't know where to go, anyone could tell him where. That didn't mean he wanted to stay.

No one had a right to control him like that. Shizune said, "You don't have to stay here if you don't want."

He nodded, and left the window to sit beside Shizune. "It's fine," he said.

"I just... I don't want you to disappear," Shizune said. "I don't want to control you, Kabuto, you know that. Just remember that you can always come home here."

"I will," he said. Was his voice trembling?

Dull flicker of lightning. Shizune sighed and reached forward to wipe the tear of Kabuto's cheek. "You need sleep," she said, lying down and pulling down on Kabuto's shoulder.

"I'm not that tired," he said, stretching out on his back beside her.

"Humor me?"

"Hmm." Kabuto smirked, and he almost looked like the confident boy he pretended to be. "Maybe once. I don't have any pressing business."

"Good." She stretched an arm across his chest, shut her eyes, and fell asleep next to him.

Shizune had only been asleep a few hours when her alarm clock woke her up. Letting out several heartfelt phrases that she had learned from Tsunade's more unsavory gambling partners, she stumbled out of bed and to her dresser across the room to turn the clock off. If she kept it beside her bed, she'd push the button, pull the covers over her head, and go back to sleep. She had learned that from watching Tsunade do the same thing countless times.

Yawning, Shizune turned towards her bed. For a moment she was confused, which was made worse by the fact that she was confused about what she should feel confused about. Then she realized that Kabuto was missing. She wasn't surprised.

At least, she noted when she flipped on the light switch, Kabuto had replaced all the bulbs before leaving. Walking into the bathroom and turning on the lights in there, she realized that wasn't all he'd left behind.

Lying beside the sink with their ends tied together and a note sitting on top were four forehead protectors. Shizune picked up the note. It simply said, "I won't be using these anymore. You'll probably need them more than I would."

One from Sound, one from Sand, and two from Leaf – one that looked to be at least forty years old with the sigil slashed out, and one without a scratch on it. Shizune supposed that the damaged one had been Orochimaru's and wondered when Kabuto had needed a Sand forehead protector. And what had he meant that she would need them more than he would?

She found out when she started getting dressed and discovered that her own forehead protector was missing. If Kabuto had been there, she would have strangled him. Muttering to herself, she grabbed Kabuto's forehead protector – making sure she took the right one, since it'd be rather awkward having to explain to Tsunade when, exactly, she'd become a Sound-nin – and left.

It was still drizzling the next morning, but not very hard. Shizune simply kept her head down as she walked, only glancing up as she passed under the broken streetlight where Kabuto had appeared the night before. The light bulb was missing.

It occurred to her that, if Kabuto had left all his forehead protects behind, the only one he had now was Shizune's. That meant he was wearing a forehead protector from Konohagakure, but more than that, it meant he was wearing a forehead protector from Shizune. Not just anyone, but Shizune.

Forehead protectors were symbols of the deepest loyalty to ninja. Since Kabuto had left his own Konoha forehead protector behind, that didn't mean he was loyal to the village. He'd taken Shizune's for a completely different reason.

She smiled to herself. It was nice to know whose side he was on.


End file.
